What a painful experience when your son is facing death? That scenario has been haunting me for the last three years and it seems my nightmare has just started. How should I face it? How should I pray to God? How will God help me? A lot of Christians will say that if you do believe in life after death, you will trust God that your son will be happy there. Yes, I can accept it but it is still extremely difficult. I love my son so much that I want him to be happy, to enjoy God’s given talent to live a fulfilling life. He is naturally a leader with wisdom and talents. I am sure he will set a good model and inspires other brothers and sisters to follow our God. Yet, his illness just dashes all his plans and his future. It just seems while he is trying to accelerate and then suddenly he hits a wall. As his parent, I will ask why God? Why is he chosen to take such a difficult path and life? I wish I could take his place instead. Why can’t God take away my life instead? Sometimes, it really strikes me this is the kind of love that God sent His Son (Himself?) to save us. Don’t tell me the answer because I know the answer. Sometimes, you ask question not because you don’t know the answer but simply you don’t like the answer or you don’t satisfy with the answer. Especially when you are emotionally attached, one does not want a rational answer. What is the use to ask God to explain? I probably will not take it no matter how reasonable it is. Sometimes, I think we probably live in a virtual world. Whatever we cling on is not important to the outside world. People from outside see everything and realize it is pretty silly to hold on something that is so short. Or, as we cut some beautiful flower in a beautiful vase, we admire the flowers but we know it will fade away. We some how want the flowers to stay fresh and beautiful forever and yet we accept the fact that it will fade away and we don’t care. Rationally, I know that we only spend perhaps 60 or 70 years on earth and needs to get on but still, it seems so good here that we want to cling on life a bit longer, especially our loved one. Don’t tell me the reasons as I really don’t expect any good answers. Yet, I have to submit my will before Him. Still, God, can you give me a miracle? It is hard for me to ask for a miracle as I often don’t believe it happens that often in our world. Yet, I can’t argue that for me, having two lovely kids is a miracle. Perhaps they are too good and too dear to me. Now, it seems that even the possibility of losing one is killing me. My heart is totally broken! Even though I did not suffer as much as Job, I totally appreciated how he felt. As a parent, we often fail but it is even more difficult when you realize you are partly to be blamed for life and death matter. This kind of guilt feeling is killing me and it is not easy to forgive myself even though my son never blamed me. I always disliked parents who keep watching over their kids all the time. Normally, it is not good for their kids. On the other extreme, sometimes we don’t pay enough attention to them. And it is too late to regret. What can I do? What should I pray? Will God answer my prayer by a miracle? I don’t mind being seen as a weak Christian as I voice out my desperation request to God. I wish I am not as strong so God will give me less burden and carry me through this extremely difficult situation. I wish my son will be cured again and have more time to fulfill his dream and God’s duty. Am I asking too much from God? Perhaps I am too selfish to voice out my anguish, frustration, disappointment. Perhaps the most important to do now is to be strong mentally so as to help my son, give him support and encouragement. God, please grant me strength! Most important of all, please give more time to my son!

10:24 And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works,10:25 not abandoning our own meetings, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and even more so because you see the day drawing near. Hebrews: 10:24-25

 

 

 

Why do we need to go back to church for worship? Very often, Christians simply take it as their responsibility to come back to church and spend an hour and a half there. What do they expect from doing so? Well, some may say that Christians need to worship God. Then, is it necessary to worship God in a church? Let us read John 4:20-24.

 

4:20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you people say that the place where people must worship is in Jerusalem.” 4:21 Jesus said to her, “Believe me, woman,

 a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 4:22 You people worship what you do not know. We worship what we know, because salvation is from the Jews. 4:23 But a time is coming—and now is here

—when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such people to be his worshipers. 4:24 God is spirit, and the people who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”

 

For Jews, the only place they offered their sacrifice was in temple in Jerusalem. For them, it seemed that Jerusalem was the only place to worship God. But Jesus refuted that idea. The most important aspect involved in worship is not where you are but where your heart is. So, is it necessary to worship God in church? Some may argue, if Christians do not come to church for worship, how do they understand God’s words? In other words, it is important for them to come for the sermon and therefore sermon is the most important segment in our worship.

 

To learn God’s words, especially Biblical exposition, is it better to listen to experts, i.e. theological professor rather than someone who couldn’t present as well? That of course is difficult as these people are also highly sought on Sunday. But is it really necessary just to hear Biblical truth during the worship in church? Nowadays, with the convenience of internet, we can access sermon given by many famous and good Bible expositors. We can learn Biblical truth from them. Why we do need someone less knowledgeable who can’t present as well?

 

This issue is really similar to e-learning. Have you ever watched TV educational programme during your primary school education? Perhaps many teachers had once thought they would become redundant but teachers are very much in demand these days. In fact, their pay is very respectable in Singapore. I believe the effect of teaching does not only depend on the content, it also depends on relation between the teachers and learners.  A good speaker understands the need of the audience. He/she knows what the congregation is lacking and what they concern most. With such understanding, preacher can deliver a message that is relevant to the need of the congregation. However, if a preacher can only preach so called Biblical truth, the sermon then becomes lectures on theology. Well, perhaps it will still be beneficial if there is substance. Otherwise, they simply repeat the same idea we already know over and over again. Their messages become dry and meaningless. After a while, other will find their teaching out of touch to this world. They will not be interested in reading Bible as those who seems to know Bible well couldn’t seem to know how to apply Biblical truth in this world. Therefore, reading Bible becomes an obligation or a credential to show off how spiritual you are. It is no different from Pharisees who were good in memorizing Bible verses but they did not understand God. What is my point?

 

Yes, we need to know more about God’s words. But do we need to learn it only on Sunday? Too much emphasis on Sunday sermon drives home the point there is no need to learn God’s words in depth during weekdays. What do we expect from the preacher delivering message on Sunday? We need to learn God’s truth revealed through Bible. But as pastoral staff of a church, their job is not just to deliver Biblical truth because very often, they are not as good as other academic from Seminary in presenting Biblical truth. Their advantage over the other preachers from outside is that they know the congregation better and their congregation knows them better as well. As such, they can deliver a message that address to the need of the congregation, a message that is demonstrated through their life that it is possible to live a life that he/she preaches. However, if a pastoral staff doesn’t interact often with their flocks, he/she will not be able to understand their need. Well, perhaps they use the excuse that they are not running a commercial organization, they are not supposed to ‘satisfy’ the customer but God. However, that argument is irrelevant. To understand the problems our congregation is facing and to address their need doesn’t compromise our loyalty to God. By helping brothers and sisters to face daily problem and difficulty should be the main duty of our pastoral staff.

Sometimes, leaders have vision that many may not see. Yet, they can’t ignore problems and needs that our congregation is facing.

 

If our own pastoral staff delivers his/her testimony and the congregation actually understands and shares their burden, I think both the speaker and audience are blessed. Brothers and sisters can then appreciate more how to live a meaningful Christian life. Yet,  if their life can’t demonstrate what he/she has preached, it will simply turn everyone off. Does it mean we demand too much from them? Surely, whoever desires to be leader in church, to serve God, to claim that they are the one to deliver God’s message should live in a way that suits his/her status. Otherwise, they should acknowledge that they should not exert authority over the other. It is ironic that on one hand, they claim to speak God’s words and on other hand, they complain brothers and sisters are too demanding. I feel very uneasy that whenever we hear testimony, we only hear a few examples from a few selected well known missionary or preachers. We hardly hear how someone we know them personally have lived life that brings out the glory of God. One may then ask, is  there anyone in our church that we can look up to for their Christian experience, the love or wisdom he/she has shown? (When my son wrote a similar comment, I though he might be too harsh on everyone. But when you really think deeper, is it really too demanding? Abraham once pleaded with God not to destroy Sodom if there were ten righteous people. Is it too much to expect a few brothers/sisters that deserve our respect, serves with passion and love of God in our church?) If we do have those brothers and sisters around in our church, does it mean that our pastoral staff does not know them so their spiritual experience in Christ has never been shared by him/her. 

 

Remember your leaders, who spoke God’s message to you; reflect on the outcome of their lives and imitate their faith. Hebrews 13:7

 

 

 

 

 

I have been a father for twenty over years. When my kids were young, I couldn’t wait for them to grow up. For me, I would have less responsibility when they grow up. Well, everyone congratulates me that my kids are old enough and I don’t have to take care of them. Yet, I really missed the time when they were young.

 

When kids are young, they look up to their fathers and they believed in everything they say. (Just a few weeks ago, I watched the movie Pleastville for the second times. It reminded me the days of sixty in USA where father knew best. But do every father really know what is the best for my kids? I guess no one believes that anymore.) When I saw my sons spoke the first words, doing their first sum, I was so excited. I saw them with a great deal of potential to achieve. When I heard them played their first songs, I was so proud of them. (I am sure every parent feel the same way.) It is really a joy to watch them grow up. One of my friend once asked me if I would be feel the same if my sons did not do as well. To be honest, I think the experience might not be so enjoyable if they did not do as well.

 

Why do we love my kids? For many of us, even if they don’t want to admit it, they love their kids just because they see them as their extension, to fulfill dreams that they were not able to achieve. Some may be more noble and say that they love their kids simply because they are theirs. Isn’t the reason similar to the previous one? Do we love other’s kids as much as we love our kids? There seems always be a bit of selfishness in our love. Still, I think having kids bring out the best and the worst of every parent. It is an experience that defines my life as an adult. My life will not be as fulfilling if I do not have kids, especially the two lovely boys I have. I will get back to that some other days.

 

A month ago, my friend told me that she heard in a sermon that when kids grew up, they would appreciate what parents had done for them and they would understand the parents were right. I only agree it partially. Surely, when kids grow up, they will understand their parents really love them and it was not easy to be parents. Yet, they will also realize that their parents are often wrong. They have their own agenda and they love them for some selfish reasons. To accept the idea that our kids will someday understand what we do is for their own good is just a way to comfort ourselves, to give ourselves some reasons to continue to do what we want. I have to admit, I often made mistakes teaching and guiding my sons. I wanted to teach them well but because I was so caught up with their performance that I became impatient and angry with them. That often hurt them instead of helping them. Just years ago, my eldest son told me how hurtful he felt when I scolded him while I taught him mathematics. Yes, I was helping and guiding him. Yet, with my high expectation, I hurt his feeling and our relationship suffered. Yet, I couldn’t agree with those psychologist saying that those experience would contribute to long lasting tramatization. Nowadays, I think too many people blame their parents for who they are now. They don’t take responsibility of how they become who they are now. For some kids, a strict parent is necessary to bring out the best of them. Yet for some kids, a strict and harsh parent may destroy kids’ confidence and they can’t never stand on their own. My point is, it is difficult to find  what is the best way to teach and guide our kids. We need experimentation and adjustment. If the method works for someone, it might work for our kids but it might also be useless for our kids. Still, even successful way can’t be lasted forever. For example, the way and the content I talk with my sons are very different from what I did ten years ago.

 

I am not so naïve to believe whatever I do for my kids are right. For me, I simply hope that I have done my best in guiding them to grow up, to be independent and be able to discern on their owns. I don’t want them to keep on asking me what they should do with their life but I would be glad if they would ask my advice before they decide what to do. Of course, I still feel a strong opinion on what they should do but I need to convince them, not to order them.